Farewell to the old Ready For The New

 

It is Christmas day 2011, Wow! What just happened? It seems as if only yesterday I opened my eyes and it was January 1, 2011 and today it is one week away from 2012.

 I have spent half of 2011 unemployed. In spite of the financial challenges I have had a really good year!

 I also awakened on September 7, 2011 to the one year anniversary of the death of my oldest daughter’s father and as it turns out my first love and dearest friend. I nearly broke down dozens of times that day as heartbreak kicked at my heart like a mule at my bones. Indeed, it was a difficult day, but I got through it.

The difficulty was laced with confirmation as to why I believe in a true and living God of the heavens also reminding me why I sing with my whole heart; He is more than amazing! How else could one ever face the reality of not seeing those they love dearly ever again in this life?

 I also have had breathtaking grandeur moments. One such moment came from some 900 miles away via text message from my son in law saying Nadia is here! Nadia Sophie Delangie was born to my second oldest and her husband on September 3rd. What indescribable joy! She is my 10^th grand child in the treasure chest of love, laughter, and memories to make. Life is definitely sweeter than sweet, coupled with better than good!

 This year my first born grandchildren (a double blessing, twins) reached yet another milestone turning 16. Pride  filled my heart as they made their grand entrance into their sweet- swag 16^th birthday bash. What a celebration! I still cannot believe I have sixteen year old grandchildren.

2011 another year added to my life. It is overflowing with reminders of my many blessings as I learn to appreciate life with and in spite of adversaries.  

Climbing a mountain, as difficult as it may be is absolutely picturesque once you reach the top. If you lose your footing and give up settling for the crash how will you ever experience the breathtaking exhilaration, the exquisite view from the top. Or feel the refreshing-soul cleansing rebirth of life within?

I have been on the mountaintop by way of the valley. It is a given, I have more mountains to climb because I desire to continue growing in every year for the duration of my life. However, I will remember 2011 as the year that catapulted me to a greater level on which I now walk with a new confidence. It is in this new found confidence I have complete clarity.

 Trials beyond my control will continue to meet me on the road of life; nevertheless, those things which are within my control I now understand clarity with confidence gives me an advantage. If I have an advantage over my trails I am the victor and therefore I am an overcomer.

I count all my blessing of 2011 yes and amen as I smile and bid it farewell entering into 2012. I look forward to another blessed year, not because trails will not come but because I am the victor and out of every negative circumstance I decide that good shall prevail!

I am stepping with a joyful heart of great expectation into the year of Two-Thousand and Twelve in my imperfect purrfextlife!

 

Reigning Joy

On September 7, 2010, my dearly beloved friend and father of my firstborn child; Morris, entered life everlasting, leaving this world as he formerly knew it and all those who love him now know it without him.

It was September 23, 1973 the first time I laid eyes on him. I was just a little skinny school girl of 15. His  6’ 4” Slim frame ducked into the doorway of the little trailer our family had just moved into, declaring himself the Jack of all trades and the master of none. I could never have imagined the heritage that would come out of a single moment.

There in the autumn sunlight rays revealing the reddish tone of his skin, chewing on a toothpick, squinting as he laughed at his own comment. Even now as I write I close my eyes and I can see his face and almost hear his laughter. He was trying hard to convince Shay, my older sister he was able restore our loss power. We were all hesitant; fearful of breaking the no one in the house rule in the absence of our parents. He was convincing and thus became an intricate part of my world.

In the year he has been gone I have cried rivers, oceans and more tears. Some days when I remember this world no longer knows the sound of his voice, his laughter, nor will I ever see again the way his eye laugh with his voice I still feel a deep loss, an empty place no other friendship will ever fill.

 The first time I started a new job he was the  one I wanted to call. The words; never again echoed within my being. I lose my breath and my legs become weak. His loss is the greatest pain I have ever known.

It is first even to the day I returned home having left my newborn son in the neonatal intensive care unit. The hope of his healing held me somewhat together. The emptiness would be fulfilled once he was home and in my arms. This empty part was forever. It is at this point the greatest pain I have ever known.

It has been a very long year. (As I breathe in deeply and slowly let it go) A year in which healing has been progressive. The gaping hole from Morris’ absence has undoubtedly begun to shrink enough that the heartache is tolerable but it will never close. In spite of this there are still days the gaping hole feels as vast as it did the day the lights went out and the world stood still for me. 

On days when the phone rings I know he will never call me  to check in, or when I check my voicemail remembering his voice will not be one of the messages; Laughing, saying, “hey babe, I guess we're playing phone tag again." The hardest times are the days I just breathe in and really miss the great friends we became. God used this man who carelessly devastating my young world to reveal an exquisite  pearl of forgiveness. I miss him in great solitude.

On September 3, 2011 my emotions run rampant from great joy, to deep sadness teetering from one extreme to the other as  my second born labored to bring her second little, well not so little (8lbs 9oz) bundle of joy into the world. In the throes of it all I asked myself, how is it that a heart can be so divided? I had never known the enormous amount of pain and joy in the same brimming cup.

I experienced overwhelming joy from the moment my daughter told me she was pregnant, and looming sorrowfulness as the anniversary of the day the call came telling me my friend and my first love no longer graced the same world where I still lived, moved and breathed.

 I can still hear an earsplitting unexplainable sound and then a silence as if the entire world disappeared. It is hard to believe my life is normal again, at least a new normal.

What happens when the heart is thrown into a realm of conflict? When grief collides with joy? Joy battles for victory over grief? A barrage of emotions tossed together; all mixed up. I now have an answer. It is the hard part of life that sometimes teaches us the best of what we need for a lifetime. I can say from experience that the future wins! The joy in life triumphs!

The elation of Nadia birth leaped within my soul while grief, though not subsided most assuredly yielded. What is passed ultimately has to give way to what is. Although Morris’ death brought sorrow and grief, he yet leaves a legacy in my life that brings me joy. Our daughter and our grandchildren are our future even when we are long gone. Death, though tragic and the missing is forever does not overshadow the legacy of generations to come.

Nadia in new birth brings happiness and laughter, but more than this; Nadia is new life. She enters this world with a heritage. She brings Joy! I am elated!

 There is no amount of sorrow that can take away from this life. Nadia brings unspeakable joy! I am blessed to be able to say in spite of deep sadness and tragic occurrences my world yet stands strong and sturdy.

 I am grateful for the birth of Nadia; God’s reminder of the life, love, laughter and Joy reigning evermore in my imperfect PurrfextLife!

In everything there is a season…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Ecclesiastes 3:4